Silent Eyes of the Sewers
by moon-bunny15
Summary: Raphael is disgusted with himself as feelings towards his younger brother develop into something more. The shame and self hate are changing the man and he struggles to find a way to control this. Michelangelo can only watch as the older shuts himself away from him, more and more. . . R&R Please!


"Stop it! Just stop it! What the hell is your problem Raph?!" Michelangelo cried at his angry older brother.

Raphael did not respond, the weapons going all over the dojo and he glared back at the young turtle. "Don't you ever mind your own business?" Raphael had been angrier than usual as of late. The entire family noticed it; Michelangelo even watched himself around Raphael to avoid his over the top anger.

"I do but what is your deal? You've been acting weird for a freaking long ass time now dude! Time to clean up your sorry attitude!" Donatello and Leonardo were in the living room, overhearing the argument that for once, the leader was not a part of.

"Oh, is that so? Well, looks like we have a mini-Leo in the lair guys! Hey Leo!" Raphael called out sarcastically, stomping past Mikey out of the dojo. "Good job, training your slackey here! Does he roll over too?"

Raphael turned and walked towards the exit of the lair. Michelangelo was yelling something from behind but he was too deaf with anger to hear it. He had beaten Mikey into unconsciousness many a times before for angering him, but this time, it wasn't Michelangelo's fault. This time, it was all Raphael. All Raphael and his insecurities and anger towards his own sick, perverted feelings. And every time Michelangelo neared him, Raphael felt those twisted feelings churning his stomach, paling him and making him sick. Today he couldn't handle them and he was lashing out at everything but Michelangelo.

"Raphael! Where are you going?!" But the hothead heard nothing and turned the corner into the sewer system.

Michelangelo shook his head in frustration and confusion. What was his deal? He sighed and walked into the dojo, picking up the weapons that lay strewn on the floor. "Hey, you alright there Mikey?" Leonardo stood in the doorway of the dojo, watching the light green turtle slowly pick up the weapons, as if in a daze.

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine Leo. Why? You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. But I'm also not the one that just had a fight with Raphael. And I know that you guys don't usually have fights like that."

"I don't know man, it's just been so weird lately. I mean what's his deal? Did I do something?"

Leonardo shook his head and put his arm around the younger's slouched shoulders, his face shining with defeat. "It's not your fault Mikey, he just needs to cool off. I mean he has phases like this," Leonardo reasoned, speaking with the wisdom of experience. "I know, I've been there." He chuckled, trying to make light of the situation but the furrow between the younger's brow was ever constant. "Come on, let's eat some pizza with some ice cream!"

Michelangelo feigned a smile at his older brother's attempts at cheering him up. "Let's go!"

* * *

Raphael returned to the lair, pale from the sick and eyes swollen from the involuntary tears. What had Michelangelo ever done to deserve this? Nothing. But for some nauseating reason he had not been able to stop them from developing and with every day the feelings grew stronger, almost handicapping the emerald soul; and he gasped in disgust of himself.

Michelangelo slept soundly on the sofa in front of the television. Raphael knew he slept uneasily because he was not snoring and he went up to the light green boy, shame washing upon him. They were there again. His heart beat quickly in his heaving chest and his palms began to sweat. The churning in his stomach returned with a ferocity, as if aroused into such a state by seeing the peaceful sleeping face of the young turtle. His arms gently shook, the urge to reach out and cup that soft cheek as powerful as the heat creeping onto his emerald face. His mouth dried out again and he wanted to speak, but nothing came out. His gaze was so intense, he swore he was going to burn holes through that beautiful sleeping face.

"Hey."

"_Shit!_" Raphael jumped from surprise, the cry louder than he thought his voice capable of at the moment. He turned to see Leonardo standing behind him, sweat blanketing his face, as if he had been caught in a dirty and compromising state.

"Raph?" The mentioned turned and saw Michelangelo sitting up and looking at him in a worry. "You, are you ok? You look so sick."

Raphael's hands flew in front of him and he slowly backed away. "No, Mikey, I – I'm fine. Just stay back. I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier, ya know?"

"What? No, what's wrong?" Michelangelo slowly walked towards him, the elder tripping over the furniture as he carelessly walked backwards.

"No! No please!" He turned and ran at full speed from the lair once more.

"Raph!" Michelangelo looked to Leonardo and he only smiled.

"Go after him. I'm sure you guys need to talk about some stuff."

Michelangelo nodded and set off. Leonardo made himself comfortable on the sofa, looking at the television but not really watching its contents. "I hope they work it out."

* * *

Raphael yelled and beat at the cold sewer walls. He couldn't hurt them and he reveled in that fact as he hit harder and breathed heavier. "Fuck me! Fuck you! And fuck all this shit going on inside me! You sick – what did he do to deserve – "

"Raphael?!" He turned and saw Michelangelo coming towards him.

"No! Just stay – "

But Raphael was unable to finish the sentence. Michelangelo flew into his open and shaking arms, embracing his brother in a surprise embrace. Raphael stood fixed and breathless. "It's ok," Mikey whispered into Raphael's tense shoulders. "I don't know what's wrong bro, but we'll through this together and it'll all be alright? Ok?"

Raphael blinked back burning tears and his arms draped onto the younger's shell. "Mikey, I – I'm sorry I just . . ."

"Hey, it's alright. We don't have to talk right now just gotta take our time right?" Michelangelo beamed his smile at Raphael and Raphael felt his heart melt.

"But – "

"You're fine Raph. I'm here for you man!"

In that moment, Raphael felt cleansed. As if holding Michelangelo like this showed him that he was in control of his emotions once more. That the beating of his heart was not going to eat out of his chest and attack Michelangelo.

"I don't know what's going on with you Raph, but whatever it is, we'll get through it together. Just don't shut me out you know?" Raphael nodded, smiling weakly. "We've been really close over the years Raph. We balance each other out really well and I know that if anything happened to you, I'd be lost."

"Mikey . . ."

"So don't lock me out man. I'm here for you. Through it all; even with your sorry attitude." The younger winked at him and Raphael felt a blush whisper across his face. It wasn't fierce and angry like before but shy and quiet.

Yes, these were different feelings but Michelangelo was not afraid of him. And since this developed within Raphael, he was not afraid of himself. He embraced Michelangelo tighter and sighed. "Wanna go back?"

"Yeah, Mikey, I think we will have ta talk at some point though. I'm just not ready." Raphael looked down, embarrassed, shame still present.

"Dude, no worries, I'm not either!"

His head snapped up at his younger brother's statement, and Raphael could see a hint of a blush on his face. A shocked expression froze on his face and Michelangelo just laughed. "Oh come on dude! Don't give me that look! It's not like I'm the one attacking inanimate objects!" Raphael chuckled in response, and they began walking back.

His hand twitched towards Michelangelo's but he restrained himself and hoped the younger hadn't noticed. But he did and Michelangelo linked their hands together, his gaze fixed on the path before them. Raphael closed his hand around Mikey's and they walked in silence. As they neared the entrance, they finally met gazes and released each other, nodding to each other in silent agreement. They would talk about it someday, but right now they weren't ready.

* * *

Hello my beautiful readers! Just some Michelangelo/Raphael fluff I had to get out of my system! It's meant to be a one-shot but I guess I'll just see about the reception it gets! :) Please R&amp;R! This is my first M/R so let me know how I did! I usually do Leo/Raph cuz let's face it; that's just too sexy!

Until next time my lovely readers! Love, moon-bunny15

Twitter: moonbunny15 - For updates and news on what's next!


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